mens non corpus

be happy

2011-09-10T13:21:00.002+04:00

i was driving the other day when a billboard caught my eye. not sure what it was advertizing (looked like a clothing brand, but i couldn't tell), but the people in it were early- to mid-thirties, good looking, decked in the latest fashion, all seemed to be enjoying their lives. that and an article i read recently about people not being happy with kids, and it hit me: the source of our misery is advertisement and popular culture.

what we see in advertisements and commercials are snapshots. other than the ones that are deliberately outrageous, most portray everyday situations condensed within 30 seconds (tv) or a single page or picture (print, internet), yet they skew everything to unnatural happiness. a family is having lunch: they're all laughing and smiling. someone was at work and went home: he drove an expensive car, drove into a mansion and was greeted with a laughing beautiful wife and two lovely kids. meetings in an office: everyone happy and beaming. ordering fucking fried chicken? server smiling wide. having a smoke? look at this awesome party we're always taking part of. perfume? let me take my shirt off and jump off my yacht into the azure ocean.

how about poplar culture? sitcoms? shows? part-time waiters living a normal, rich life. everyone is either happy or laughing all the time. if not, they resolve all their problems in 48 minutes before jumping into the pool with their clothes on. movies teach you that whenever a male and female meet they end up ~~fucking~~ falling in love. they teach you that good guys win. they teach you that stupid guys can get the girl.

no wonder everyone is fucking miserable.

no one is happy all the time. no one is always cool and partying. happy endings are rare. in fact, it's unnatural for human beings to maintain a constant state of happiness. the normal state of human beings is misery (not to be pessimistic here, it's actually neutral). the article about people with kids talks about how older professionals expect things to be perfect, or at least fixable, but i think a part as important is this belief that life should somehow be easy.

nothing good ever comes out of easy. i think people aren't happy with kids (or anything else) is due to unrealistic expectations. 100 years ago not starving was a reasonable expectation. so what do you do all day? you work, toil, reap and sell. you survive. now it's all about me me me and my misery. well fuck, the truth of it is no amount of money or power will make you happy all the time. misery exists.

so yeah, be happy, just expect it to be temporary.

the apple legacy

2011-09-10T12:59:00.002+04:00

steve jobs has stepped down. due to illness. it's to that end i will not say anything negative about the man. i will, however, raise my voice at the endless praise he has gotten these past few weeks. the most visionary ceo, the man with the products that impacted our lives most, the genius behind apple's strength (that last one is true).

no one can argue apple products' impact on the mobile world. they have literally transformed how we think about what a phone is or could be, about what to expect from that piece of metal and silicon in our pockets. what irks me to no end is his portrayal as someone who did something innovative (he did) that helped transform the world (he didn't). the iphone and its siblings didn't do anything to transform the world. jobs' success and apple's ridiculous profit margins are not a result of technical innovation but of shrewd marketing.

how so? what transformed the world isn't the ifamily of products; it's the innovation that was built around the family. it's the army of little developers who wanted to make a buck selling large volumes of products at very low costs. the apple legacy is the platform it created, not the "transformation" that was the result of it. i would argue that the platform democratized the world of software development.

history will judge this; take the following comparison (inspired by theonion). faxes are perceived as relics of ancient history. they are slow, clunky, require proprietary paper and/or ink and only do b&w at painfully low resolutions, yet they've survived the revolutions of the internet and mobile phones and all that by virtue of their simplicity and reliability. no one will ever claim that the fax machine was revolutionary. on the other hand, at one point in time, the hottest thing you can own was a walkman. sony transformed the music world (thankfully, it didn't claim that it changed everything again, again, whatever the fuck that means) with its personal boombox.but the cruel reality is, people will still say something like "fax me that document" and unless you work in a museum, people will never say "hey can i borrow your walkman real quick?"

my point is this: 10 years from now we'll all be walking around with devices that are not phones nor tablets nor computers, devices that let us communicate and find information and work. we don't know what these are (retina implants? thought reading gizmos? star trek style comms buttons? we can't imagine them any more than mr. graham bell coming up with the idea of a mobile phone). but we can deduce from history that what we won't be is tethered to a single product, and when apple is mentioned it will be with some nostalgia to something we all used when we were younger, sort of like that yahoo email that you still hold on to.

everything and nothing - nothing

2011-06-07T09:37:00.000+04:00

part two of the series. yes, still inspiring.

everything and nothing - everything

2011-06-07T09:34:00.001+04:00

i don't usually just post movies, but this one is just mind blowing. somehow, whenever i watch one of these, i feel stupid. thank you, gauss and einstien.

no one else freaking out about this?

2011-05-05T10:08:00.000+04:00

it's no secret i'm a geek, but every once in a while i just get blown away by what we take for granted. i mean:

not only have scientists deduced that there's anti-matter (basically matter with reverse charge that, when mixed with normal matter, combines to form pure energy), but they've artificially created it and trapped it for 15 minutes to study it. remember, this shit blows up with it touches anything
on my phone, i can watch movies, find out where i am in the world then navigate my way out, find nearby restaurants or whatever else i need (hell, part time jobs!), check email, keep in touch with friends around the world, find out about news as it happens, take video and upload it to the internet, point it to the sky and find out what constellations i'm seeing, fuck - point it anywhere and see what's around.
humans sent tiny objects to space 30 years ago (voyager 1 and 2). they're still "flying". they're outside the solar system. they're still sending back information. 30 years ago. 99.9% of their flights were powered by gravity - fucking mathematics! i'm still amazed by these two objects
the internet. people just don't realize how fucking amazing it is. you have instantaneous access to the sum of human knowledge from anywhere. there isn't an answer that i can't get in a matter of minutes. from my fucking PHONE!

FREAKING OUT BIG TIME

say "no" to kids

2011-04-25T11:41:00.000+04:00

and i don't mean "no" as in "no, you can't have that candy", i mean "no" as in "no, i don't want to have kids". why?

1. i like my facebook profile picture, phone background and computer desktop to be something other than pictures of my offspring
2. i travel with minimal baggage possible. a trolly that takes 3 hours to fold to put into the scanner it not minimal. then the kid needs be carried from that point on.
3. i like my screaming to be a sign of horror or extreme excitement, not hunger or general discomfort. that applies doubly-so on airplanes
4. it's hard enough to find a place to eat. to find a place to eat that's also kid-friendly usually results in burger king
5. john. john is the name of a bank account. all money that i would spend on a kid goes into that account: education, healthcare, trolleys, you name it. in addition, john will get sick every couple of years, resulting in a single lump-sum deposit. deposits will not end when john is 18, but will probably go into his mid-to-late-20s (including his wedding, hopefully the final lump-sum deposit) unless he decides on borrowing something from his old man. john will also be my retirement egg. john has no siblings.

event of the year

2011-04-24T10:28:00.001+04:00

so far in 2011:
jan 14: tunisian dictator is ousted from rule after 23 years as president, following weeks of protests
jan 24: bombing in moscow airport leaves dozens dead
feb 11: egyptian dictator is forced to resign after 30 years as president, following 8 million people taking to the streets of egypt, simply asking him to leave
feb 22: earthquake strikes christchurch, australia. death toll: 182
mar 12: 8.9 earthquake strikes tokyo, followed by devastating tsunami. hundreds dead, nuclear catastrophes looming
mar 19: nato starts enforcing no-fly zone over libya using fighter jets. government suppression of freedom demonstrations claim the lives of hundreds of people
apr 29: wedding

guess which event time out dubai calls the "event of the year" on its cover.

the rule of fools

2011-03-04T17:03:00.003+04:00

the problem with this oft over-aggrandized method of rule is that it is, by definition, the rule of the many. who the fuck thought that that's a good way to run anything? do those who want democracy not realize that the average human being is only twice removed from his more base nature of eating, fucking and literally killing the competition? so instead of entrusting rule to those smart enough to actually make decisions that will affect the lives of millions, we decide instead to entrust it to the same simpletons who make paris hilton popular. does this make sense?

democracy, for the love of god, is not the rule by that which is best for a nation, but rather the rule by what most people want. people want to engorge themselves on mcd's. people want to smoke. people need to be convinced to wear a helmet while moving at high speeds on a glorified bicycle. people obsess with reality tv. the riffraff cannot be trusted with rule, yet paradoxically we insist that listening to everyone is the best way to rule. how can someone who knows nothing of economy, history or basic science in anything be asked to vote on climate or health laws? how can they decide what the best fiscal policy for a country is?

democracy doesn't give you what you want, it only gives the chance to everyone and gives the majority what they want - right and wrong be damned. were it not for a few brave souls, we'd still have slavery and women subjugation, thanks to democracy. how about women's right to vote? saudi and kuwait are looked upon (deservedly, i may add) as backwards and oppressive due to their policies regarding women and voting, but one needs to look no further than ~~the smug switzerland for a true showcase of democracy~~ friendly europe: liechtenstein didn't allow women to vote until 1984.

long live democracy, the rule of fools.

update: i misread a sentence that lead me to assume that liechtenstein was part of switzerland. apologies to the the 35,000 that make the population of liechtenstein and to the swiss. switzerland is a true leader in women's rights with federal voting granted to women as early as 1971!, while appenzell ausserrhoden (a canton in switzerland) granted women the right in 1989. phew, that was close!

the new ipad is here!

2011-03-03T07:33:00.003+04:00

omg it has a fucking camera! i can't wait to shoot movies with my oversized iphone! and listen to this, it comes with a choice of TWO colors! omg omg omg i'm getting one now! omg i'll be the envy of all my original ipad toting loser friends!

how to overthrow a leader

2011-02-23T14:17:00.003+04:00

(serious note: the below is a humorous entry that does not in any way attempt to make light of the events or deaths in the region. i salute every single tunisian, egyptian, libyan, bahraini and yemeni who stood strong for their countries, and i am humbled by those who have given their lives. i wrote it because if you take the leaders' speeches before they leave, they can be copied verbatim one to the other)
1. look for a country ripe for the picking, preferably with a dictator in power for more than a decade
2. start a facebook page decrying the abuse and inequality
3. wait for 10 to 15 thousand members then announce a demonstration
4. demonstrate. make sure you tell everyone on twitter, facebook and aljazeera before you start. the internet is susceptible to insane leaders.
5. surprisingly, the government will either ignore you or try to pacify you. when that happens, find a prominent location (historically speaking, a large roundabout seems to work better than average, but that's just a fluke - a large park or open area might work as well, though squares should be strictly avoided), setup tents and basic services and pray very hard that your leader isn't insane.
6. wait for the leader to claim that you and your posse are foreigners, or drunkards, or separatists. that will increase your posse!
7. wait till the leader claims he will not leave ever and that he will eradicate you.
8. chant "leave! leave! leave!"
9. leader overthrown
caution:
1. may (will most probably) cause deaths. proceed with caution
2. the economy will suffer, but that's a short-term issue and it will recover
3. it is preferable to have an organized opposition to avoid a leadership void
4. camping may be prolonged - plan routes for provisions and medical aid

religion: pick what you like, blindly disregard the rest

2011-02-21T08:56:00.003+04:00

so british gay couples want to get a religious wedding. a muslim one at that.

what. the. fuck.

i mean help me out here guys. i'm all for gay love - in fact i root for people to marry whoever the fuck they want. but hypocrisy just drives me up the wall. aren't same-sex relationships banned in islam? i mean, an american imam "reasons that to deny gay Muslim couples the right to a religious union, goes against teachings in the Koran". really? doesn't being homosexual go against the teaching of that same book you quote?

this religious slectivity of what we think is or isn't blessed by allah or god or yahweh or zeus makes me livid. you're either religious and follow a book, and you're not and you go what you heart and mind tell you. if you choose what part of religion you want to follow that doesn't make you religious, it just makes you a hypocrite.

customer doesn't like your service? no problem; sue them. way to go #BenihanaKUW

2011-02-14T15:16:00.005+04:00

i am posting this to teach the idiot managing benihana kuwait that with the help of the internet, two dictators were overthrown so far; surely a lowly manager of a restaurant isn't beyond its reach? tsk tsk.

a blogger ate there and blogged his review of the restaurant. it wasn't particularly critical, but for a brand name like benihana, his experience was underwhelming to say the least.

after a few rather bizarre comments to the contrary (all ending in LOLs - seriously, are the people working there 13?), the manager decided to reveal himself and sue the blogger. fucking genius.

now as far as i know, benihana (the japanese brand name owner) hasn't done anything, apparently they don't have power to interfere with legal moves made by their franchisees. but boy oh boy is that idiot getting fired.

why am i posting this? i want justice to be served by those who were offended; free-thinking bloggers. spread the word. #BenihanaKUW

2011-01-31T16:55:00.003+04:00

it burns because its people decided to speak up. it burns in anger and frustration and oppression.
it burns because to fix something rotten, you have to tear it down and start over. you have to kill the roots. you have to burn them.
it burns because someone stood their ground and said "enough". and another joined them. and another. and another. and everyone thought "yes, we've had enough"
it burns because there is hope still alive.
it burns because to kill a disease you have to burn it.
egypt burns, but it burns for its own good.

i'll talk to god myself, thank you very much

2010-11-28T14:31:00.002+04:00

so walking in the streets of beirut, an old lady was asking for handouts. she was sitting in a strategic location, where a pole narrows the sidewalk enough till you can't pass by without noticing her. she was sitting there asking for help, and exclaiming in a loud voice how she's asking god to bless you.

which made me think.

(a) i don't need your help in asking god for anything. if i were inclined to do so, i would speak directly to him myself - not sure what value you add in the process. you don't exactly inspire a preferred relationship with the creator

(b) i think your product is bogus. i mean, wouldn't you say it's quite inefficient for you to ask god to bless me in return for me to help you, instead of asking him to help you directly? surely all the time and energy you spend asking god to bless people will be much more effective if it's channeled directly at you? as such, your prayers are not incentive at all for me to help.

we're all socialists at heart - even americans!

2010-11-25T13:49:00.002+04:00

obama has been a victim of his own ambition. i've read an excellent article on businessweek. however, i would like to quote a few points in there:
"Political equality is a sacred idea to Americans; economic equality, however, is not"
"The United States, according to this study, is a nation of people who would like to spread the wealth around. They just don't know it.
Can it really be that simple? In part, this work fits into a proud tradition of social science research demonstrating the basic ignorance of the average American."
"Yet studies have also shown that voters have an impressive ability to absorb information that contradicts their beliefs without letting it change their minds."
really these snippets do not give the article its justice, though it does do a good job of some american bashing. apologies to ethan in advance.

but it also highlights a bigger problem in human psyche: it is dangerous for intelligent people to try to explain things to idiots. see an intelligent person will stop at points they don't understand, they will put in the effort to understand. an idiot will just apply their own prejudices and assume they "got it". long live idiocy!

the dubai class chasm - in one sentence

2010-11-10T09:50:00.002+04:00

"let the guys from almusalla come to friendly challenge class - we'll pay for their metro"
- ahmed, in difc

the social network

2010-11-08T11:10:00.002+04:00

i have recently watched the social network. excellent movie. excellent writing, excellent acting, gripping drama and so fucking relevant. excellent movie. in fact, i left the theater thinking this: will our kids grow up and be shown this movie in schools, as a historical overview of their social environments. i mean it brought to mind the bigger question of whether facebook will become the default interaction environment?

i mean, how many times do you email a friend to touch base? maybe to share docs and stuff, but just to say hi, or organize an outing, or to share pictures, facebook is the place to go. think of this: how many times do you find posts on facebook where people post something like "lost my phone, inbox me your numbers" or "got bbm, my pin is xxxx". so facebook is becoming the default mode of communication, more essential than a mobile phone.

which brings to mind another interesting conflict (got a few hits in the news recently): google vs facebook. why would a search company have beef with facebook? two points, (a) small one, google is trying to flex its social muscles, with things like buzz and latitude, etc. so facebook's dominance is tough to break. (b) big one, facebook is a world closed on itself: google can't search it. google's search capability, linked to its ad revenue, is the company's bread and butter. the fact that google had its applications open to facebook but not vice versa, finally dawned on them as a point of contention, and now they closed the interfaces. in other words, if facebook won't share info, google won't share either. interesting.

so this takes me back to my original point: will our children be facebooking or googling? which one is more important? the case for google is simple: it democratizes information. the ability to reach a very specific piece of information quickly and with relevant results is google's secret. it's an amazing ability that can't be binged or yahood. for facebook: it's simple as well, it's simply connecting people. the ability to get and keep in touch is amazing. i think that google is more important, but that's the engineer in me. some will identify facebook, for those who value human interaction more than human intellect.

one thing has to be kept in mind though, which is sometimes missed. both these companies work towards one common goal: money.

why shut down your pc

2010-10-24T17:05:00.000+04:00

Turn it Off from Nigel Upchurch on Vimeo.

effective marketing

2010-10-07T13:51:00.003+04:00

is it just me, or does the poster below make you want to come nowhere near this place?

and in the news...

2010-10-02T19:52:00.002+04:00

apple fanboys - behold your messiah

2010-09-20T09:36:00.003+04:00

it is no secret i hate that black turtleneck-wearing motherfucker. jobs can choke on one of his glorified iphones for all i care. he's an uptight conceited sob who has a following that defies all logic. his latest piss-match is here. fucker.

so idiots insist on holding onto their idiocy

2010-09-19T22:59:00.002+04:00

although this comes as no surprise to me, an independent scientific study came to the conclusion that people will believe scientists only if they confirm what the idiots already "know". otherwise, they'll consider the scientist a moron. of course this explains a lot of the idiocy in the world (think the anti-vaccine movement, the no-global-warming movement, etc).

the mirror of self-deception

2010-09-13T15:24:00.002+04:00

as you might've noticed from previous posts, i'm a regular at the gym. in one of the locker rooms, the locker i usually use is right in front of a full-length mirror. the other day i was changing, noticed myself in the mirror and thought "whatever it is you've been doing in the gym, it's working". man i looked great in that mirror. with an ego boost and skip in my step, i headed to the showers. i was passing other mirrors on the way there and stopped. hmmm. this reflection is more like the ones i'm used to. i tried other mirrors and sure enough, i looked the same. it's that one mirror that made me look good.

i went back to it and the grim truth hit me: the mirror is slightly concave. it "slims" one. i dubbed it the mirror of self-deception. it's my new best friend.

why america simply bombs everyone

2010-09-08T14:36:00.001+04:00

have some respect, dammit!

2010-09-02T10:31:00.003+04:00

now what i want here is for someone to explain how i can drink respectfully. do i stand up before drinking? bow to the bottle first? or do i walk up to everyone not drinking and apologize?

you're in the fucking gym. people drink water because they're working out. get over it.

an idea incubated

2010-08-31T11:31:00.004+04:00

two drunkards:

"dude"
"dude"
"you know what's fucking awesome?"
"what?"
"big-ass ferris wheels"
"ferris wheels?"
"big ass ones"
"dude ferris wheels are boring"
"not big-ass ones"
"yes, big ass ones"
"hmmm.. how about a big ass one that's hovering over water?"
"umm.. over water.. hovering? hanging!"
"yes hanging! fucking hanging over water, with the shit holding it up all tilted"
"fuck yeah! and instead of beams, we'll hang the whole thing on fucking cables!"
"yes, yes, and we'll make it spin!"
"but how do we build it?"
"easy.. we build it over the water, then we hoist it into the vertical"
"yeah"
"fuck yeah"
"fuck YEAH"

how the london eye was envisioned. true story.

bad, bad movies

2010-08-31T11:19:00.002+04:00

i don't get it. those people who try to incorporate science into movies. some do it well. some explain it well. but others just seriously fuck it up. i mean fuck it up so bad that it ruins the movie. and i'm not talking about the specific weight or uranium messed by a few tenths of a percent, i'm talking about something like iron man, where the rich genius "invents" a new element in his basement. wtf. he levels his home-built accelerator with a fucking metal emblem.
oh and how fuck do people using computers in csi and criminal minds not use mice. they furiously type on their keyboards, yet their screens magically show pictures popping up, recordings being analyzed. so much bullshit.
writers and producers, before bringing science into a movie, consult a 5th grade science book. thank you.

a new hope - uncut

2010-08-29T12:58:00.001+04:00

there are not enough words to describe this. must watch.

waiters - stay away from me. further. further more. i can still see you...

2010-08-18T14:03:00.003+04:00

ok seriously, wtf is up with waiters who keep hovering after they drop off the menus? does anyone else feel the pressure to order asap? i mean you try to focus on the food, but they're always there in your peripheral vision, standing calmly, judging you. and as soon as you glance up, they're next to you in an instant, smiling and their hands shakily holding the pen and pad, so eager are they to take your order. you then start mumbling your order, carefully trying to read the exotic names they have for their food. but of course you mess it up, and the waiter corrects you by brightly - and loudly - repeating the name correctly. you're still nervous at this stage, but a little relieved that that part is over and he's moved on to the next person. the trauma goes on, until everyone finishes and you breathe a sigh of relief, thinking it's over, until he hits you with "anything to drink" and you're fucking hell i totally forgot to look at the drinks menu.

save a tree - don't print this blog

2010-08-17T13:58:00.003+04:00

you know what's the first thing that crosses my mind when i see those self-righteous email signatures that have a small picture of a tree begging you not to print the email unless your life depended on it? printing it out just to kill a fucking tree. in fact, it makes me want to print out all the emails, documents and pictures i have on my pc, then hit the internets (yes, internets) and start printing out fucking wikidepia. the whole fucking thing, starting with the page about trees.

killing mother earth - on tree at a time

stay away from the cookies!

2010-08-16T09:06:00.001+04:00

"Every fiber of your being will want to go back to the old way of doing things. Inevitably, you’ll slip. And if I were uncharitable, I’d see you going back to the old way and I’d say, You’re so lazy. Why can’t you just change?"

it has the wifis

2010-08-14T14:38:00.001+04:00

"they could put out a fucking brick and call it an iphone if they wanted to"

sheep: how do you lure them in?

2010-08-12T11:31:00.004+04:00

i am engineer. to my eyes, all women's bags and shoes look the same. i'm not talking about a red bag versus a black one. my poor brain almost exploded looking at a catalog in bloomingdale's with seemingly identical bags ranging in price from $300 to $3,000. i looked really hard for something different but didn't see anything. i decided to do a hands-on investigation, by picking up a bag and comparing it to another ten times as expensive. instead of finding blast-proof coating, emp-resistive lining or diamonds lining the zipper, the $3,000 bag had the same crap that made the normal (albeit still overpriced) bag.

the same applies to shoes. ridiculously expensive shoes. a month's salary pair of shoes. i mean a couple of pieces of leather with a week's labor? but, of course, i forgot that those people cater to sheep. yes, you lady, with the criminally expensive footwear, you're a sheep. bags, shoes, etc, etc. but what really got me thinking was this: how do you lure the sheep in? allow me to explain: when i buy a normal car, i pay for material, labor and r&d. when i buy a sports car, add some prestige. when i buy an exotic, i buy all the above, plus the name. but basically, the is usually parts, labor and r&d. simple. the same applies to software: labor, overhead and the perceived value (how much roi it will bring me).

so back to luring the sheep: if the bag i produce costs me $50, how the fuck do i determine its selling price? surely $2,000 was not arrived at using the methodology used for cars and software (unless i want a 4,000% margin). so from my hands-on investigation, i've arrived at the following conclusion: i pull the number out of my ass. i understand that quality costs money, but for fuck's sake, unless it contains some exotic materials (like radiation protection), a bag will not cost more than $100 to mass produce. so for all you sheep out there: not only are you blindly following other misguided souls, you're paying prices pulled out of an ass.

ah, to be a woman in saudi

2010-08-10T16:56:00.002+04:00

so i was watching an ad on tv the other day: there was this girl flipping on one of these gymnast saddle kinda things, and the caption underneath read "i might not be able to vote, but i can get a country to its feet" and as she finishes the the jump the audience, on its feet, goes crazy. then another shot saying "i might not be able to drive, but i can fly". at this point i really wasn't seeing the picture, only focusing on the captions. the third shot was "i might not be able to get into a club, but i can make you dance"

at this point i felt my blood heating. this was an ad about women's rights and it was all the things that women in saudi (and other advanced countries) can't do: they can't vote, they can't drive, and all hell will break loose if they as much as pass by a club. men in these countries, these fucking assholes dictating their fucked up points of view on the women (and human right's organizations questioning their acts). it's a bit of ignorant religious beliefs, tribal habits and blind ego concoted by men stuck in the 11th century into a faux religion that drives women in these country into a sheep-like state that often leads to rebellion.

the next caption was "i can't get a tattoo but i can ink history". but then the ad finished and it wasn't an ad about women's rights. it was an ad about youth olympics. yes, that's exactly it! women in these countries are treated like kids: people who are simply incapable of taking decisions for themselves.

TorrentReactor buys its own Russian town for $148,000

2010-08-10T15:53:00.002+04:00

yes, that actually happened. not happy with the rules? buy a town and make your own!

was away for a while. in cyprus. kicks ass btw

2010-08-08T09:08:00.006+04:00

sharing the love.

pahos

agia napa

nissi beach

troodos mountains

more apple bashing - sorta

2010-07-12T19:45:00.004+04:00

i don't hate iphones as much as i might have led to believe in this blog. i hate many things about them (their fans, blind followers, seriously missing features, their fans, again - you're getting the idea). but looking at things from a wider perspective, a longer-timed one, the iphone has done to the modern mobile phone what nokia had once done to the digital mobile phone. with a couple of exceptions, the world has seen year after year of innovative mobile phones coming out of finland. they didn't always have the best phones around, but looking at the history, they've consistently delivered high-quality, innovative phones. the exception to that are the us (they were drowning in prehistoric motos) and japan (who have phones form 2014, today)

the iphone, of course, isn't a phone. it's a mobile application device that happens to have a phone function. think of the ipod touch, or the ipad: they're iphones without the "phone". the apple line of mobile application platforms has certain things in common: funky user interface, cool effects and capabilities and a relentless focus on the user experience. more importantly, it has fueled the mobile device innovation (intellectually, technologically and financially): if you can think of it, there's probably an application out for it. so the iphone literally changed how we think about mobile application devices: they're not mobile computers (think windows mobile and shudder), they're not phones with apps (think nokia), they're not email with a phone (think bb): they're something different altogether. they're iphones.

so why do i hate the iphone? well, there are a few things that make my cringe and never allow myself to buy one. the first is the simplest: the asshole jobs, and his minions. don't get me wrong, i appreciate his innovation, but i hate his black sweater and his attitude. it's not that he understands what people want, it's that he argues with them when they disagree. copy-paste, multi-tasking and video conferencing are functions he originally claimed that people don't really need, then he introduced them as "new" features. to be honest he's smart to do that: he realizes people are sheep and the minions will take his word for gospel. despite these being available on nokia ages ago, on the iphone they became "cool".

second, the less personal but more relevant reason: the iphone business model. apple has complete control over their phones and everything surrounding them, including the applications. they can decide what applications can be developed or not, and thus limit what developers can do. they are actually notorious for refusing certain apps or censoring others, with no clear guidelines other than jobs' whims. working with apple is bittersweet: the potential for money is great but so is the potential for risk. well fuck em. but there's more. how many models of the iphone are available for sale right now? one. apple, the iphone master, controls everything about their device. a high-end, expensive device, which has applications only they control.

then android came along. here was a platform that was just as cool (though admittedly far less mature), but it looked at things differently. first: the os was open source, which means that anyone was free to modify or make changes to it. second: open hardware, which means that anyone can build an android device (even tablets like android better). third: anyone can develop anything, including shit that changes the layout. in fact, they have a new development platform that allows the average george to build apps. everything was free except the hardware. how cool is that? when google's nexus one came out people were wondering if it was an iphone killer. it wasn't. it wasn't meant to be. it was meant to highlight what an android device could be - should be. it was a statement about how innovative platforms can look like.

so where does that leave us? well, i will refer you to two points in the past. the first: apple vs. microsoft. apple insisted on building computers that they controlled in. microsoft, on the other hand, just did windows and told everyone: get your own damn hardware. what that resulted in was macs that were consistently functional and well-built, but were expensive and "unique", but windows machines that were flexible and highly configurable. sound familiar? ms ran windows on every piece of hardware it could find: that created some slow machines, shit machines, but it was accessible. anyone could buy a windows machine. people still buy macs, but despite what you see in the movies, they're only used by either pretentious iphone owners or graphic designers. the second point stops at the largest seller of mobile devices by far. not apple or google or bb: the humble nokia. despite all the jazz around all the other handsets, nokia sells more than all of them combined. four of the five top selling phones of all time are nokia devices. looking closely, you'll not be surprised to notice that the top selling devices are, above all else, cheap. and that's the other place where android will always be different: you can run it anywhere. you don't need to buy a beautiful piece of hardware to get it. even today, you see "low end" android devices. they don't have the fastest processors or 147 megapixel cameras, but they do allow you to run a lot of android apps.

over the next two years, i see things playing out as follows. first, apple will still remain an innovator, in technology and user interface concepts. second, nokia will put its ailing symbian os to sleep and adopt android for their devices. third, android will become the windows of the mobile world: though it might not only player out there, it will be dominant. i do not hate iphones but i won't buy them for the same reasons i don't buy a mac. history has taught me that.

the cash cows

2010-07-12T19:11:00.002+04:00

meet swipely.

a friend generously directed me to this link, demanding i blog it, banging the metaphoric table top, yelling about how idiotic it is.

i would ask her to calm down, and give people some slack. see although i would agree with her that it's idiotic in a sense, it's pure genius in another. maybe late, but genius. i am fortunate enough to have the advantage of working in the it industry and i know how people think that social networks in any form are christ reborn. i mean, who would've thought that a platform that allows you to broadcast what you had for breakfast or what you think about the news would prove to be such a force? or how about facebook? that same friend who recommended this adamantly refused to join facebook finally relented, despite the social overflow she suffers from it.

so from a startup/vc perspective, the idea sounds like pure gold. i mean, look at me omg i just bought a purse, ooooooo my friend's purse is so nice i need to buy one, blah blah. even some men will wet their pants about this. of course it's seriously late: there's foursquare, chattertree, facebook's website updates, last.fm, rdio, the list is infinite really for social networks, but hey, why the fuck not.

but it's really idiotic for the exact same reason: who gives a flying fuck what you bought? idiots.

out-sarcasting myself

2010-07-12T18:49:00.003+04:00

so i am attending a training for our contact center solutions, one that allows us to demo the solution. one of the features is a web-based chat. so how do you demo a chat? you start both clients and start sending texts between them. what the demo designers didn't expect is having someone like me playing with this. i sent something, but to make things intersting, i replied with a witty reply. then i replied sarcastically to that. this back and forth for a while until i realized what i was doing. then i felt sorry for myself.

appholes

2010-07-08T16:42:00.002+04:00

New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products

the sad truth about print press

2010-06-22T06:54:00.004+04:00

Boston Globe Tailors Print Edition For Three Remaining Subscribers

before you unleash your eloquent comments on the internets

2010-06-13T08:43:00.002+04:00

please consider the damage you cause to the minds and ears of those of us who actually know and understand english grammar. despite my best efforts, there seems to be little understanding of what an english sentence constitutes. to that end, i link you to english grammar 101! for everyone who's ever slept through english classes, for those who limit their reading to i can has cheezburger and 4chan, for you who hesitate (or not at all) before writing you're, that link is for you!

link link link link link link link

2010-06-10T16:27:00.000+04:00

link

awesome - i love the workers!

2010-06-03T12:29:00.003+04:00

android blues

2010-06-02T13:40:00.003+04:00

so i got a new android device. for those technically challenged, android is, in addition to being a humanoid robot, a mobile device operating system (read: cell phone). it's cool in a number of ways, but the difficulty arises when you use it and the desktop one after the other. i find myself wanting to swap screens on my windows machine and wondering why words don't auto-correct or auto-capitalize.

lack of information

2010-06-01T10:27:00.002+04:00

i had a peculiar professor back in my sophomore year in uni. he was the one to introduce us to signal analysis and he chew on his "r"s and somehow his italian education made him refer to square waves as sikware waves. despite all that he taught me something that will probably forever ring true. he asked us a question: what is information? people started giving all sorts of answers, but his question came from a signal analysis perspective. if someone gave you a number of facts, which of those is actually information? he simply defined it as the amount of surprise one finds in those facts. his example, applicable to the current (and frankly, most of the recent) historical context, was this: if you're listening to the radio and you hear "10 palestinians were killed by israelis", it's business as usual, no news there. however, if you heard something like "jerusalem has been freed" or "arabs sent first man to space", then that's news.

why i say this is because of the recent news about israelis attacking the peace flotilla (aid ships coming to gaza). i felt angry, appalled, etc, etc, but the one thing i didn't feel was surprise. what israel has been doing in gaza is a starvation war, which is apparent, so there really is no news there. what seriously annoyed me however, is the storm of twitternoise generated on facebook. i mean, most people who were posting shit are old enough to know that (a) there is no news there and (b) twitternoise is just that: noise.

my favorite comments, in ascending order, are:

4. omg lets spread the word that israelis are murderers and israel is a facist state and they should burn in hell. closely related to those were religious messages around the same topic.
really? so 60 years of occupation and doing whatever the fuck it wants, you just figured that out? why must you perpetuate the same stale bullshit?

3. join this group, join that group, we are putting pressure on the uk embassy, blah blah or some other dimwit bullshit. what pressure? are you threatening them with yelling really loud if they don't comply? or maybe come out in a demonstration? yes that's it, you will hold signs until the uk foreign office takes action. more power to you in that. turkey is no small power, yet they're just showing anger and calling it murder. european countries asked the ambassadors in. to do what? nothing, israel will just do whatever the fuck it wants.

1. announce a general strike in the west bank. i am torn between putting this or the next as number one, so they both are, but for fuck's sake, who are you striking against? strikes are designed to protest government/company actions, not starve your own people. nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing, will come from a general strike in gaza. in fact, it'll just fuck up businesses and hurt whatever tattered economy is left. stop it.

1. blame obama.
this one just enrages me. this attachment to the us, this putting hope on a single person to help, regardless of who he or she is, is the most naive thing i've ever heard. i quote: "obama: fail" (btw fail has burnt out in 2008) and things like "i am angry at myself for being happy when obama was elected". where are those people living? do they think that any single person in the us will act a certain way because of his personal beliefs? have we not learned, over and over, that the us foreign policy has always focused on (a) the acquisition of natural resources (or access to them) (b) the protection of american financial interests and (c) very closely related to (a), the protection of israel. some people think that the us protects israel out of ideological principals. well here's some information, it's all about the money. israel has the us by the short hairs of its balls by controlling key aspects in the government and the economy. a single person, even the president, cannot take any actions against that.
so who can we blame? let's wake up and see things for what they are: the arab and muslim countries are incompetent and lazy, their leaders are corrupt and they're running around in circles screaming their heads off. it's not obama's fault.

the shunned monkey

2010-05-17T11:07:00.002+04:00

i lack certain human skills that seem to come to most people naturally. for example:

1. talking: in general, people just can't shut their mouths. on the plane, while in a queue, in all sorts of places where silence is golden. leave me alone.
2. small talk: an anxiety-inducing activity where a group of strangers or acquaintances engage in casual, superficial conversation about topics they wouldn't otherwise approach. apparently talking is so compelling a drive that even bullshit is accepted.
3. subtlety and flattery: have you gained weight? where did you get this crappy pair of shoes? your session needs work. these are all examples of how i speak, but not what people want. see people want honesty but to a limit; they don't want to leave their fluffy, delusional existences and face reality
4. sarcasm (or more specifically, lack thereof). people don't like it. worse even, most don't even get it. closely related to it: people hate wise asses as well.

what i mean to say is this: had humans been a family of monkeys i would be shunned because i don't "fit". i'd be left ro fend for myself and cry in a corner somewhere.

memory to the sky

2010-05-06T23:13:00.005+04:00

geeks will appreciate this. everyone else will just pity the guys. to be honest the whole thing is kind of tragic.

privacy on facebook

2010-05-06T15:31:00.003+04:00

ok this started out as an experiment, but the more i think of it, the creepier it gets.

i was idly browsing my facebook wall when i noticed pictures of a wedding. i didn't recognize the bride or the album thumbnail, so i decided to browse the pictures. they were of a very cute couple getting married with hot friends (the maid of honor was sucking flowers and all). what struck me as odd was that i didn't know those people. a friend of mine commented on the pics, and since i'm a friend of a friend, i got to see the album. not only that, but i had the option of posting the album on my wall. so now my friends could see it. friends of friends of friends. i wonder if they can post it again.

so i did a little more experimenting. i sent an album invite to another email i have which isn't on facebook. didn't go through. i sent it to another dummy account i created on facebook to see what non-friends can see on my account, and it did go through. hell i wanted to post it here, but that doesn't work.

so bottom line: facebook owns you now.

rolling

2010-05-03T09:48:00.002+04:00

idiot sightings! arrr!

2010-04-30T14:39:00.002+04:00

http://www.chickenhammer.com/2010/04/idiot-sightings.html

some say...

2010-04-30T09:25:00.000+04:00

Some say his watch goes up to 14, and that he thinks the credit crunch is a new type of breakfast cereal...

Some say he's a CIA experiment gone wrong, and that his blood smells of Root Beer...

Some say it's almost impossible for him to wear socks. And that he can open a bottle of beer with his testes...

Some say he thought Star Wars was a documentary and that he is convinced that the clouds are following him...

Some say he’s one of Michael Jackson’s kids and that he doesn't require an antenna to receive satellite television...

Some say he has a life size tattoo of his face, on his face. And that his droppings have been found as far north as York...

Some say he has never used reverse gear and that his teeth are made of carbon fibers...

Some say that his urine is 50 % peanut butter and that he runs faster then he drives...

Some say that he actually lost his virginity before his father did and that even if he takes off his helmet, you still can't see his face....

Some say he isn't wearing a helmet at all and that he makes a good desktop image...

While some say his first name really is ‘The', and that he has a surprising number of shoulders. All we know is, he's called The Stig.

i use my initials as my email signature

2010-04-27T12:56:00.002+04:00

you know, because i'm too busy to type in my full name. who the fucks needs my full name anyway? everyone knows who i am by those two letters. technology is too fucking complicated to allow me to "add" a signature, like one that actually contains my name, to every email i send. and even if i knew how to do it, who the fuck has time to set that shit up anyway? thus, i only use two fucking letters to identify myself.

home made ice cream

2010-04-27T08:35:00.002+04:00

ok someone needs to explain this to me: if i'm at a restaurant and the menu reads "home made", what the fuck does that mean? does someone make that shit at home and bring it with them? or does the chef simply live in the kitchen and thus whatever he cooks there is "home made"?

examples include: home made garlic aioli , home made bread, home made ice cream, home made potato chips, chicken nuggets.. hell cracker barrel specialize in home made cooking!

someone needs to explain to those places the difference between home and work.

to ipad or not to ipad

2010-04-23T18:23:00.006+04:00

i wonder if anyone who got the ipad now will be using it 2 months from now, after the novelty wears off. i know, i'm wearing this down, but i just found this. this goes out to freddy.

basic grammar 102

2010-04-15T09:21:00.005+04:00

*sigh*

i am tired of people disregarding grammar and spelling. the internet, the great enabler, breaker of walls and builder of bridges, greatly enabled idiots to post their ideas. i will reiterate a few pointers here for all those people who yet have to finish 5th grade.

there: the far form of here. it's spelled exactly like here, but with a t at the front. nifty.
they're: sounds like there, but is actually two words (the apostrophe is giveaway). it's short for they are.
their: denotes ownership, like mine, but for them - their.
example: throw them there; their minds are gone: they're idiots.

you're: like "they're" above, it's actually two words. it's short for you are.
your: like their, and mine, it denotes ownership, but for you.
ur: not english
example: keep your head in your ass; you're an idiot

definitely: for sure
defiantly: how king leonidas was in 300, from defiant
example: he definitely fought defiantly, though a little stupidly

below: beneath; under; in a lower level
bellow: scream in rage - also what kind leonidas was doing in 300 when he killed that emissary (this is SPARTAAAA)
no example here - i believe it's clear enough

the ipad - it blendsssss

2010-04-06T17:08:00.005+04:00

i hate the ipad

2010-04-04T16:49:00.005+04:00

please everyone with a soul. help me gang up on it. it's a fucking itouch with a big screen. no multi-tasking, no flash support and people are lining up to buy it. i wonder if jobs released a creative washing machine, would people line up to buy it? let's fight the madness!

check this entry at boing boing
also gizmodo hate it!
even jezebel are bashing the name.

curse apple fanboys! (and girls!)

the onion: rich guy feeling left out of recession

2010-04-04T14:31:00.001+04:00

check out his recession-joining strategies. even his driver can't give him a break.

happy april's fools day

2010-04-01T19:09:00.002+04:00

and google took full advantage of it. i couldn't stop laughing.

how technology can cause stomach ulcers

2010-02-16T12:24:00.002+04:00

i am trying to get some of my contacts from outlook to my nokia phone. the easiest way? save the contacts i want to vcf then import them from the nokia software.

you with me? i will introduce you to my thoughts now. to get the better image, imagine me mumbling the words...

ok, go to outlook, choose a contact, choose "save as...", choose vcard, go to nokia, import vcard, viola! it works.

ok great, now, choose all the contacts i need to export, choose "save as...". hmm, no vcf format, only txt. that's weird. ok try right-click, nothing. ok maybe i'm stupid, trying help. hmmm. steps are clear in outlook 2007 (i'm still in 2003). ok hit the help for 2003. i need an add on, click the link. it takes me to the marketplace (marketplace? will this cost me?)

yes sir indeed! 25 fucking dollars so i can export more than one contact in vcf! that's the solution microsoft recommends! fucking hell!

see? ulcer. ulcer i tell you!

tv censorship - not seeing the forest for the trees

2010-01-24T12:45:00.004+04:00

the show: criminal minds

the episode: a copy-cat serial killer mutilates his victims a-la jack the ripper

the conclusion: twister! female rape victim gone apeshit on men

the scenes that were shown: shots of bodies drowning in blood, some with their throats slashed, others with their kidneys stolen, some with their guts spilled. general discussion about the history of violence, and related cases country-wide.

the scenes that were cut: a couple who were kissing in an alley when they stumbled upon the latest corpse.

that was where i thought what the fuck. i struggled to understand the fucked up criteria to cut scenes. i mean is it generally more offending to see a couple kissing than a story revolving around 10 murdered people? does the reasoning go like "son, all that violence and blood is make-believe, but... WAIT! A MAN AND A WOMAN KISSING! COVER YOUR EYES! COVER YOUR EARS! YOU MUST'VE BEEN IRREVOCABLY SCARRED! oh ok now it's gone. so yeah, that is probably what intestines look like outside the body. let's just watch lethal weapon 4, die hard 3 and true lies over the weekend" these censorship fucktards need to get off their horses and open their minds. idiots.

a solar eclipse in the 21st century

2010-01-18T01:07:00.002+04:00

one would think that a phenomenon like that is thoroughly understood, and it really is just simple geometry (the moon happens to pass between earth and the sun). but by all that i hold dear idiocy knows no bounds! some dimwit in the gym was watching tv broadcasting seriously tragic pictures of the suffering in haiti. 200,000 dead. so what does he say? it's days between it and the solar eclipse.

what

the

fuck

fucking thousands of years of technology gone down the drain. this is just so infuriating! then he starts to quote how the muslim prophet was afraid when he saw the eclipse so he started praying a 5 hour continuous prayer (apparently he was having coffee with him that afternoon or something), so yeah, since the moon passed between us and the sun disaster will strike. no seriously what the fuck! what the fucking fuck! ok i give up.

empty jobs

2010-01-10T16:53:00.005+04:00

i was watching tv the other night and a showtime ad caught my eye. it was about a "sports studio" that analyzed a soccer (football?) game. the studio had five (apparently) sane adults, in fancy suits, discussing how the game proceeded, how the coaches reacted to game changes and other senseless interactions.

imagine, if you will, what someone who's never heard of sports before, will think about a soccer game. 22 adults running after an air-filled leather pouch? now imagine further, if possible, that same person heard of a group of other adults dedicated their lives to watching the games to provide expert advice. what would he think? wtf. seriously, wtf? i mean do these men (yes, predominantly men) have no self-respect?

of course, although these are unfortunate souls, they can probably find comradeship in the following:

1. political and financial analysts: they similarly don fancy suits, sit in studios and are quite opinionated. but in contrast to the sport analysts' discussion of useless facts, they discuss don't facts at all. they speculate, they're belligerent, they argue with passion and logic, but are usually just farting in the wind. political analysts are almost always full of it, but every once in a while a financial analyst will get lucky and become jesus for a while. then when he falls, the anti-christ.
2. historians: those don't like to don suits but discuss shit that's already happened. they marvel at how fabulous people who died 10,000 years ago were. they breathlessly discuss how prehistoric civilizations monitored the stars and preserved people because they thought they'd eventually wake up. historians discuss the strategies used in wars long forgotten, except by them. i mean political analysts are full of it but they usually discuss people who are alive.
3. astrologists: they predict people's fortunes based on where a tiny spec of a planet orbiting a below-average star - one of billions - orbiting the center of the galaxy - which is also one of billions - happens to be on a particular month. the fascinating fact is that there are people who listen to them.

update: i'm a fucking genius. check out these bs jobs. also, the onion agrees with me.

kuwaitis and iraqis unite

2010-01-10T16:45:00.002+04:00

ten years after iraq invaded kuwait for a month or so, the countries have finally reached an agreement about a certain topic: it is a completely vile idea to call a street after the deceased leader saddam. they were both outraged!

americans - again

2009-12-13T22:43:00.003+04:00

i just have one question to americans out there: why is the country obsessed with the sex habits of a guy who's very good at putting balls into holes? it's not like they have a crippling debt, crumbling health-care infrastructure and two losing wars to worry about

technology assholes

2009-12-13T13:32:00.002+04:00

sorted from most annoying to slightly less annoying:

1. bluetooth headset users (these must burn in hell, from keifer sutherland to the team from stargate)
2. iphone users (it's hard to generalize here, but i generally hate these people more than bb users)
3. bb users (two things about them: a. get off the fucking email, the world will not crash and b. stop with the fucking click scroll ball it's noisy as hell)
4. demolition man or space invasion headphone users (look at me, i can't live without my precious music blasting in 240GHz high def fidelity asshole, you should be #1 on the list but thankfully you're a rare breed)

nice, big sneeze

2009-12-09T23:09:00.003+04:00

i want to hook up with a girl who sneezes.

i'm not talking about a girl who sniffles a half-assed parody of a sneeze, for whom i fear her eyes would pop or her brain would shoot out of her ears, who emits a small sound between a pop and hiss. i want a girl who takes in a deep breath, closes her eyes and lets the sneeze rip - a sneeze so strong her ears would ring and a spray of spittle would cover half the distance to her nearest neighbor. a girl who would then wipe the snot dribbling from her nose and laugh it off.

i want a girl who fucking sneezes.

but, but, but

2009-12-09T23:01:00.002+04:00

yes they're building a new airport in amman. of course big projects like that influence things around them. so for example they've actually renovated the toilets in the old airport. yes it's still dirty and shabby, but the toilets are clean and modern. all bright whites, clean lines, nice faucets.

except, of course, you can take the man out of a dirty airport, but not the dirty airport out of the man.

i walked into the toilet to pee the other day i was there, and when i turned to wash my hands, a refreshing reminder awaited me. apparently they've shut down the kitchenette or something, so the (possibly) coffee boy was washing cups and mugs in the toilet sinks. not rinsing a cup or something - he had a tray full of glassware being washed in the sinks.

accident inducing billboard

2009-11-11T10:26:00.002+04:00

dubai is a fairly safe city to drive in. it's not as safe as, say, a german city, mind you, what with the cab drivers and abu dhabi drivers, but the other day i nearly crashed into a car next to me because i was craning my neck following a billboard. alas, it didn't have a hot girl, it had a clever little ad utilizing letters common between words to create the synergy of being home and roaming. it was scrabble-tile words, one saying "home" the other "roaming" with the m at the intersection. not terribly original, but at least readable. what nearly caused my crash is the same sign in arabic. to those not familiar with arabic, letters are always linked up when used in words (sorta like cursive in english), but it's worse because the letters' shapes actually change. you know what that means to the silly billboard?

it means when the scrabble tiles have arabic letters in them, the words are almost impossible to read.

which brings me to my point: why the fuck do we translate commercials? not everything goes across between english and arabic well. hell most things don't go well at all. and with the cleverness and wittiness in the world of advertising, the problem is duly compounded.

so for god's sake, if you're into advertising, be creative and create campaigns for arabic!

charming stormtroopers

2009-11-11T10:19:00.002+04:00

poor stormtroopers are always made fun of online - but this is the first time i see a site this insulting! darth vader must be livid!

a new omega watch

2009-11-01T16:19:00.002+04:00

behold this lovely watch from omega. notice the mesh metal strap? it's shark-proof. you know what that means? it means that after the shark has bitten off your hand, you can rest assured that your watch will still be there.

taking pride

2009-10-19T22:58:00.003+04:00

proud, adjective
1. feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something regarded as highly honorable or creditable to oneself (often fol. by of, an infinitive, or a clause).
2. having, proceeding from, or showing a high opinion of one's own dignity, importance, or superiority.
3. having or showing self-respect or self-esteem.
4. highly gratifying to the feelings or self-esteem: It was a proud day for him when his son entered college.
5. highly honorable or creditable: a proud achievement.
6. stately, majestic, or magnificent: proud cities.
7. of lofty dignity or distinction: a proud name; proud nobles.
8. Chiefly South Midland and Southern U.S. pleased; happy: I'm proud to meet you.
9. full of vigor and spirit: a proud young stallion.

how great is that word? isn't it something that is associated with grandeur? achievement? sort of like when one liberates a country or saves a human being. it conveys honor and truth.

it's certainly not something you use when describing that you serve a specific type of ice cream, or coffee.

all over gitex in our city dubai, visitors are drinking starbucks coffee from poor, misguided shops that all "proudly" brew starbucks coffee. one place is also proud to sell haagen dazs ice cream. can someone please explain to me where the feeling of pride comes from in serving coffee? it's not like it's a charity that helps deprived inner-city kids, or a campaign to eradicate cholera in africa, it's fucking coffee and ice cream. you're not proud to do that, you just fucking make money. fucking hell people wake the fuck up.

marketing people

2009-10-08T09:30:00.005+04:00

from a shampoo bottle: "calms, nourishes and sleeks unmanageable hair" then as a highlight "helps control coarse, rebellious hair".

is it just me or does this sound like a medicine that is used to treat a hyperactive 5 year-old?

oh, and the same people referred to a watch as "truly unique". yeah, yours and the thousands of others that were made.

dr know it all

2009-09-23T11:25:00.004+04:00

i must admit, before i continue, that although this phenomenon is most prominent in american tv, it'll really happen in any country, due to the fact that people, in general, are sheep. so please, help me out here, since when do doctors practice on tv? i'm talking about that asshole in scrubs who is featured on oprah who gives sermons on everything from gastronomical pains to the latest flu scare. you're a fucking doctor. you can't possibly be a specialist in all these things. that either makes you (a) a liar, so your advice is really yap yap or (b) incompetent, meaning that a trained earthworm can do what you do on the show. i do, however, concede that you may have a life outside tv. after all, you're only on the show every couple months.

what really riles me up is that complete show called doctors. they diagnose people and give advice on tv every week.

seriously? are they pretty boys (and a gal) who failed at their practices? surely a successful surgeon doesn't have the time to shoot a weekly show. who are these monkeys and why should we listen to them? and the problem is that people do listen to them. see although this originated in the us, it will work in any country because people are, well, sheep.

note: dr phil is borderline in this case, because while he poses to be a doctor and listening to him may cause an increase in blood pressure and the urge to gouge one's eyes out, he doesn't give any real medical advice. he's like a grumpy grandfather who finds losers and explains to them why they're losers. i once heard he's like a detective interrogating people. police drama never hurt anyone.

harry potter - college freshman year edition

2009-09-22T15:56:00.006+04:00

my aching head woke me up. i could tell it was morning - light was seeping through my eyelids - but i had no idea what the time was. i didn't want to risk antagonizing my throbbing head with a sudden rush of sunlight, so i kept me eyes shut, steadying my nerves for opening them.

eventually the promise of caffeine and nicotine inspired me to risk getting up. i rolled over away from the window, dangled my feet over the side of the bed, and slowly peeled my eyes open. i squinted, attempting to reduce the influx of electromagnetic energy onto my retina, and was able to keep my eyes open without my brains exploding. i took a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, inhaling deeply, forcing my mind to concentrate on something other than the pain. my hand alternated between holding the cigarette to my mouth and massaging my temples. lightning on my forehead or not - alcohol gave me a hangover like any other guy.

last night was slowly coming into focus. that was one hell of a freshman welcome party. then two things happened simultaneously: i noticed i was naked and i was startled by the sound of someone stirring in my bed. whipping my head around wasn't the wisest of my moves that day - exploding pain - but neither will it prove to be the dumbest. i hadn't noticed her there, but hermione lay in my bed, her hair all over the place. fuck, my head hurt. i fell out of bed, in the process nearly setting the room on fire when i dropped my smoke. i'm guessing the sound of my fall and my constant repeat of fuck, even under my breath, eventually woke her up.

"where am i," were her first words, eloquently followed by "what happened?"

then she saw me sprawled there, wearing a facial expression that i'm sure could've been described only as dumb-struck, and nothing else.

"why are you naked?"

in addition to hangovers, alcohol generally causes slowing down in the thought process. i fumbled around the room looking for my boxers, still muttering the word fuck over and over again, while it slowly dawned on her why i was naked. she took a peek under the cover and realized that we were both naked, and started chanting the fuck mantra with me.

ever wonder why meds are so expensive?

2009-08-26T15:54:00.004+04:00

well there you have it:

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-01/plos-dis010208.php

a little dated but valid nonetheless.

career magic quadrant

2009-08-21T18:07:00.008+04:00

i was reading a book the other day, and one of the characters was a lawyer. he was pondering the idea of how moral he was, how he bent the rules, and it got me to think of what that means, and how different professions treat the matter of morality differently. in addition, it got me thinking that there are different levels of belief in the morality of what is done - surely the carpenter doesn't think about the meaning of what he does as much as the policeman might.

so how do we summarize this? in a magic quadrant. i stole the idea from gartner, but it works pretty good here. i wonder if they'll sue me. there is one thing i'd like to add: how the belief of the individual differs from the view of society, but i couldn't keep the graph simple and add that info. alas, it will have to work without it.

in any case, let me explain the axes and the meaning of each.

the horizontal axis describes morality. on the right lie the professions that are truly ethical, with their motivations and rewards being uncontroversial and generally agreed upon. to the left are the consequentialism, whose ends always justify the means. the means are almost always questionable and the ends are narrowly and selfishly beneficial, if that at all. those in the middle carry little or no moral value attached to their profession.

the vertical axis is how deeply the professional believes in his or her morality. to the top are those who strongly believe in the (a)morality of what they're doing, whereas at the bottom are those who cannot decide - or to whom it doesn't really matter. in the middle, of course, are those who, in terms of morality, don't feel much about what they do at all.

enjoy (click to enlarge).

update: there seems to be some confusion on the issue of the axes. my bad. the horizontal axis is the objective overview of the morality. the vertical axis is the subjective belief of the professionals.

want something fun to do?

2009-08-17T10:22:00.001+04:00

just drink water from a bottle. drinking from it is even more fun than drinking from a normal water.

http://www.camelbak.com/drink-study

wtf age is this that describes water drinking as fun?

may they burn in their personal hell

2009-08-17T09:28:00.002+04:00

i live in dubai. it's not bad in general, except we have etisalat.

etisalat is the most expensive, least efficient and most horribly over-subscribed service provider in the region. we're stuck with them. i don't have the choice of going anywhere else. i call and yell till i'm blue in the face to get someone to get to my house to fix a connection that's been down for a week now, but it's useless. this is a summary (and i do apologize for the length - it's needed to highlight the pain i went through):

call 1, tuesday 11th:

"my internet is down"
"ok what's the brand of your modem"
"siemens blah blah blah"
"are the lights on?"
"yes"
"ok connect your laptop directly to the fiber optic modem"
"ok"
"now enter your username and password"
"i don't know them"
"ah you need to reset your password"
"how?"
"go to www.e4me.ae and place a request there, then call e-services help desk and ask them to reset it"
"ok... but you know the dhcp on the modem isn't working at all, so it's not a password issue"
"no sir without a password i can't help"

of course they don't tell you how you're supposed to access the website without an internet connection. luckily i have my trusty mobile. i login and reset the password. i call the call center after that.

call 2, tuesday 11th:

"i reset my password and i'm calling you"
"why?"
"the call center told me to"
"no if you've accessed the website there's no need"
"ok, do i need to do anything else?"
"no, it's ok, but it needs 24 hours"
"24 hours to reset a password?"
"yes"
"ok thank you"

call 3, wednesday 12th:

"my internet is down, and i called yesterday, and..."
"ok what's the brand of your modem"
"siemens blah blah blah"
"are the lights on?"
"yes"
"ok connect your laptop directly to the fiber optic modem"
"ok"
"now enter your username and password"
"entered, still fails"
"ah"
"as i've told your colleague yesterday, the dhcp isn't working"
"ok then we'll need to send a tech, please take the complaint number, someone will contact you"

silence all through thursday, so i call on friday - what an idiot expecting them to work over the weekend.

call 4, friday 14th:

"sir no one has called"
"sir the complaint needs 2 business days, and since you logged the complaint on wed, then you had thursday and friday is off, so you may expect a call on saturday, but they work half-day, so maybe sunday"
"ok thanks"

call 5, sunday 16th:

"i have a problem with my internet and you've promised to send a tech and no one's here"
"sir what kind of modem do you have?"
"no, no i don't want you to fix it, i just want to know where the tech is"
"account number"
"blah blah blah"
"ah sir, someone will call you"
"i have called a week ago and still no one is here"
"sir they need 2 working days to get there; you called on wednesday and friday and saturday were off, so today is the second business day"
"but i called on friday and you told me that sat is a working day"
"no sat is off"
"ok when can i expect the call"
"within 2 days"
"yes, today is the second day, what time"
"i don't know sir i don't have their schedule"
"ok how about you give me their number, i'll call them"
"sir they don't have a direct number"
"ok... how do you get in touch with them?"
"we file the complaint and they get it" (in other words, magic)
"ok, so can you please put a note that i asked for a follow-up?"
"ok, done"

call 6, sunday 16th:
"i have a problem with my internet and no one has called"
"sir account number"
"blah blah"
and i swear he asked me this again "sir what brand of modem do you have?"
"no no i don't want you to fix anything, i just want to know when you'll send the the tech"
"well, sir, what lights do you have on the modem"
*facepalm*
"i tried it all, i used a wire, i connected directly to the modem, i tried all the diagnostics 15 times and it's still not working, i just want to know where the tech is"
"ok sir, please take this tracking number"

call 7, monday 17th"
"no one has come"
"i see here that you've filed to complaint on wed"
"yes, that's what i said, now where is the guy?"
"sir i've made a rush comment, here is the tracking number"

and here i am writing this blog from work. needless to say, it's still not resolved but i do have 3 tracking numbers and i know the exact key combination on their ivr to get directly to a live agent. ha! take that etisalat!

how did that idiot get up there?

2009-07-23T22:11:00.002+04:00

i find myself asking that question more often these days. you would meet someone in a respectable position in a company, and the first thing you think of is this: how the fuck did you end up here? obviously, you have no brain. it is quite apparent that your iq rivals that of a dyslexic pigeon. yet, despite all challenge you have climbed the corporate ladder.

i find there are three prerequisites for said idiots:

1. higher education at a good school: yes, nothing says smart like a good degree
2. charm: how to make nonsense sound a little less ridiculous by looking good
3. no sense of self-worth: only approval form other people is what really matters

they follow a simple schema:

1. keep moving: if you stay in one place long enough, someone will notice that the stapler has more common sense than you
2. keep moving again - move up by moving sideways: face it: since the database backup server contributes more to the company than you, the only way to move up it is to move companies. never stay in one place more than 2 to 3 years
3. learn and like what an ass tastes like (i mean that in the bootlick sense, not the literal sense)

the result is what you see in everyday life: idiots in high positions.

more american idiots

2009-07-23T21:42:00.004+04:00

yes, it's that time of again. americans make it easy for me to pick on them, really.

cnn has a weird feature where people send in answers to a provocative question (not sure if it's text or twitter or some other "in" shit). so cnn asked the question "are you willing to sacrifice some of your rights to help the effort against terrorism?" and i caught two of the responses. needless to say, these were americans at their best:

"if necessary, but constitutional rights are inalienable!" way to go learning a big word like inalienable. so dimwit, what rights are you willing to sacrifice? ones scribbled by 3 year-olds? your rights are constitutional by definition.

"of course, because if we don't the terrorists will win." who are those mysterious people known as the terrorists? win what exactly? does the average american really believe that there is a species out there out to get them? news flash: there are no "terrorists", they don't want to "win" anything. the only ones in a war are your representatives in government, waging a fight against a vague image of an imaginary enemy. another news flash: you'll never win because there's nothing to win.

right-click

2009-07-20T17:19:00.002+04:00

set as desktop background. that's how you change the wallpaper on your windows desktop. no one has any excuse to retain the piss-ugly green field xp desktop. in fact, there are some tools that will randomly set wallpaper from your pictures folder.

note: do NOT set a picture of your kids on your desktop. no one gives a fuck.

what you'll never see on tv

2009-07-18T21:57:00.003+04:00

csi: after the corpse is fished out of the river, the chemicals found in its hair are not unique. in fact, just common salt and pollution found all over town. case closed.

sci fi series: the flagship just patrols the space. a strange artifact in encountered and turns out it's just a rock. alarms aren't sounded.

sci-fi alternative: the flagship runs into a superior alien ship, to be destroyed in a cloud of shrapnel and vapor.

medical drama: as the patient is rushed into the emergency room, the doctors converge on her, yelling medical statistics and diagnosis. 3 minutes later, she passes away.

young rich people show (90210, one tree hill, the oc): the guy falls in love with the girl and marries her without complications.

blog entry title

2009-07-12T22:27:00.002+04:00

yes, this entry's title is redundant. other examples:

cnn: some african leader wants to ban illegal demonstrations. doesn't illegal mean banned?
almost all marketing idiots: buy an extra large and get a gift, absolutely free! if the gift weren't free, wouldn't it stop being a gift? (talked about this one before, but it just keeps coming back)
cnn (again): that area is heading for some wet rainy weather. thank god it's not dry rainy weather.

imagine something with me

2009-07-07T22:12:00.003+04:00

imagine something with me.

imagine an alien spaceship orbiting earth observing our habits. i ask you this: what would they make of celebrities? i was wondering that looking at a noisy singer with lots of female fans waving posters of him in the audience. most would kill to spend a night with him. what struck me as odd was that he's not handsome, they don't know if he's charming or nice or an asshole. all they know about him is that he sells lots of songs. add to that phenomena like paris hilton, perez hilton and other airheads who are famous for being famous and you'll get what i mean.

imagine something else if you will.

imagine humans twenty thousand years from now stumbling upon a massive, ancient structure that can seat 50,000 humans, all facing a great big rectangular area. analysis of the area reveals that grass was grown there. at each end the remains of poles were found there. what purpose did such a structure serve? was it some sort of temple? could they imagine millions of people intensely watching 22 grown men run after an inflated leather bundle?

hi5 suggestions

2009-07-05T16:12:00.003+04:00

i am somehow signed up for a service called hi5. i think it was a pre-facebook sort of thing. anyway i've never used it, but it keeps on sending me useful friend suggestions. see the screen shot below. one may notice the bunch of children on the left.

however, i would like to draw your attention to H. yup, the gentleman wielding the large machine gun, in the foreground of what can only be somalia. how hi5 thought i would be interested in a "freedom fighter" is beyond me. see sometimes technology just breaks.

prettiest girl in pakistan

2009-06-23T19:42:00.003+04:00

two of them actually, sat next to each other, smiling their best smiles, over a pizza. they absolutely beamed with joy. alas, they weren't real (as in not physically present), they were girls in a pizza hut billboard. so eating at pizza hut will bring me pretty girls? has the marketing team even seen karachi? for those you haven't had that pleasure, it's a step away from being a single large a dump. most of the population is impoverished and there is garbage on the sides of most roads. for some reason birds closely resembling the carrion variety fly around the city everywhere you look. and one very important fact: there are no girls dressed like those in the ad or as pretty.

of course, pizza hut isn't the only company guilty of false advertising. other examples:

1. wii ads, with people old and young excitedly huddled around the tv, ecstatic with joy playing some shit ass game. the reality is that the wii is sitting in its original box, with the box gathering dust somewhere. the bigger reality is that everyone hates their immediate family.

2. panasonic and their flat tv. three 20-somethings laughingly carry it and hang it on a wall opposite a couch in what can only be described as a hallway. apparently it was a tiny apartment. the kids immediately throw themselves on the couch and start enjoying their purchase. panasonic were emphasizing the slimness of the tv. what they also emphasized was the abject poverty of the owners, to live in a matchbox, yet somehow afford a flat screen tv.

3. airline ads showing people happily sleeping in their business and first class cabins, with stewardesses ascending on them like angels, carrying fresh food, taking their books and covering them while they sleep. the reality of course is that most of these stewardesses are not models who couldn't find other jobs, nor do they care if you are covered while sleeping. however, what the ads truly fail to capture is coach, where passengers are crammed in like sardines, the food is horrible (rubbery omelets, crunchy bread, limp salads anyone?), and there is a single stewardess for each 50 passengers.

the american legal system

2009-06-22T09:32:00.004+04:00

i jab at americans quite often here. they've earned it.

the most recent jab comes from the news. a poor (not literally, but poor in the victim sense) lady was fined $80,000 dollars for each song she downloaded illegally off the internet. for 24 songs, she's being fined $1.9 million dollars. to put things in perspective, a legal download is 99 cents a pop. for $1.9 million dollars you can buy around 2 million songs. also, you can buy several exotic cars, a few houses, or live comfortably on the interest for a few years. but that's not my point. my point is this:

in an unrelated piece of tragic news, you must have heard of the crash of air france's flight 447, of which there were no survivors (even the wreckage hasn't been found). air france has been accused of not being sympathetic with the relatives of the families and decided to pay an initial $24,000 to each family. that's 30% of the value of a single song. in other words, a 32-year-old in minnesota has 3 times more incentive not to download songs than air france has to protect its passengers from death. even the warsaw convention, which governs the personal injury limit to airlines, sets that limit to around $27,000.

$80,000 per song. way to go.

americans and denny's

2009-06-19T19:17:00.002+04:00

Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's

weight gain in a day

2009-06-16T16:16:00.002+04:00

why do all hotel rooms have scales, yet they don't have, say, an iron ? what are the odds that i would want to weight myself after staying in a hotel for one or two days? who is that health conscious?

word of the day

2009-06-07T11:10:00.001+04:00

spherical idiots: those who appear to be idiots every way you look at them

shaving using seventeen blades doesn't make you irresistable

2009-06-04T17:41:00.002+04:00

neither does using a new deodorant, or using an anti-dandruff shampoo, or buying a new shirt. those girls you see on tv are paid to (a) stay thin and (b) pretend to be attracted to clean-shaven guys. incidentally, it doesn't make you more handsome or make your six-pack more prominent (or at all visible).

over 23

2009-06-04T10:16:00.002+04:00

a restaurant was proudly displaying that they have over 23 branches around the country. what does that mean? do they have 24 branches? or 26? i mean how hard is it to actually count the branches, since there's over 23 of them! if they had, say, 11,000 branches, it might be irrelevant to say they have 11,467 branches, so over 11,000 might be called for. but over 23? jeese!

ps: this also applies to about 24 locations. about? so is it actually 23? or 25?

silly gmail

2009-06-01T07:38:00.002+04:00

whenever i check my spam folder, it helpfully displays links to food recipes that use spam: spam omelet, spam burrito, etc.

h1n1 update

2009-05-31T10:45:00.001+04:00

interesting phenomenon: going into thailand the immigration employees were nice and polite (as everyone else in the country). on the way out they were also nice and polite, but they wore those surgical masks. on the way out. is that supposed to tell us anything?

basic grammar

2009-05-27T17:50:00.003+04:00

most english words can be changed from singular to plural by adding an s. for example:
house : houses
idiot : idiots

however, to the latter group, not all words can be pluralized, such as:
equipment : equipment

more importantly, to the latter group, not all words ending in an s (or s sound) are plural. for example:
license is a license, not the plural of licen
sacrifice is not many, nor is it the plural of sacrifi

please stop asking me to deliver a licen. it's a license. and i won't give a sacrifi.

greatest invention

2009-05-26T12:52:00.002+04:00

some argue it's fire (and would argue that fire is a discovery). some argue it's the wheel. the pen, the printing press, the internet - there is a long list of possible candidates. but clearly this list has been compiled by healthy people. one with a cold and a stuffy nose will tell you that this is the greatest invention:

nasal spray clears clogged up noses. with it you can breathe, speak, think, and sleep peacefully. never mind the pen - i'll take the spray over it any time.

pity friend

2009-05-24T11:53:00.004+04:00

"behold the pity friend! yes, that one over there, the fat one. no, she doesn't do herself any favors. and yes, those pants aren't helping. watch how these hips sway, how the jeans are busting at the seams - she doesn't get the "skinny" in skinny jeans. the group of skinny "friends" around her? well, my dear friend, this is where pity friend gets her name from! see that one over there, yes one of the skinny ones, she's the whale's best friend! yes! been friends since they were toddlers (but you can guess who always stole all the cookies, no?). yeah, that group is the skinny one's clique, the hippo is tagging along, feeling out of place and fatter by the minute. what she does? she goes home and finds comfort in a tub of ice cream, a one kilo bar of chocolate or a bucket of fried chicken."

important police business

2009-05-22T22:13:00.005+04:00

so i was at the gym this morning, waiting for the nice receptionist to give me the password for the wireless. it was quite early and i had barely gotten there when a guy still in his shirt and pants, with his bag on his back, purposefully walks to the reception: "where is the manager? (while annoyingly clicking his membership card against the counter) get me the manager now or i call the police. come on, where is she? i need her now, or i'll call the police (still clicking the fucking card)" so the poor receptionist started frantically dialing numbers "she's coming sir, she's on the way." of course i was wondering what might it be this early that requires the police. did they charge him twice for his membership? did someone attack him? did he find a body in the locker room? ten seconds later "yes get her now, or i'll call the police, someone stole my sneakers."

someone "stole" his fucking nike sneakers.

imagine the look on the policeman's face when he gets there and he's told he's there for a pair of missing sneakers. i mean you didn't see the self-righteousness on this guy's face. sneakers. in the gym. he probably forgot his fucking shoes at home, the idiot.

the fucking police.